My crazy little girl.

 I have a problem keeping things in. I like to tell people how I feel but I am trying to find the line between getting it off my chest and just making it a problem. It is hard when you feel that you should just say it already and get it over with and move on. Than you have to think will this change anything for the better or make it worse. I have to say I love my family because when it comes to how you feel it is so easy for me to tell them. We don't have to agree but I still respect them and they respect me. Why can't other people be like that. Say it and work it out. I really don't like people who can't see past them self or don't even think “maybe this should be a conversation” No they think it and just do it with out the curtsy of asking anyone. Well they can suck it. Again the problem of keeping it in. Well I can't really say the problem but I guess I will figure it out. Trying to be an example for my little girl.   

Love and Loss

Every year on February  6th and 7th I go to visit my little brothers grave site. After that I go see a good funny stupid movie that he would make fun of me for seeing and probably really liked as well. But I do this to remember Just how sweet and funny he was. I love Mckay and have lost him here on earth. It will be 9 years tomorrow.  Every year It feels different on the 6th I remember saying good bye. I remember how happy and exited he was. He was going snowboarding and had been practicing all week. I am a mom now and can't image losing a child. This is the first time I have put my thoughts down about it all.  I have been blessed that my family talked openly about how we are feeling. But this year is a little different. What I mean by that is  the memory feels a little foggy and that scares me a little. The sadness fells that same but his face and laugh and voice is dim. Mckay was 16  and the kind of person who everyone loved. At his funeral there were so many people and all different in so many ways. That made a really impression on me. I don't know why I chose to write any of this but everyday and every year  I am sad that mckay had to go but I know that I did not say good bye I said I love you and see you later. I believe that is will see him again and that we will pick up were we left off. If anyone who reads this has lost someone and you are having a hard time I found my peace through my faith. I am a ladder day saint all so known as mormon. I know that my heavenly father loves me and would never give me something I could not handle. So again I hope I helped someone by writing this down. I love  my family and  fell so blessed that the lord picked them for me.